Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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