Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
