textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
