Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
