how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
