So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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