Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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