sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
