I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
