If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
