Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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