ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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