I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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