Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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