They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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