Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
