I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
