At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
