how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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