My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
