I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
