I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
