I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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