I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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