I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
