M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
