Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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