my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
