Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
