NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
