Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
