Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
