I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
