You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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