for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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