when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry about my life...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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