The police scanner is talking about you again....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
