I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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