i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
