All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
