just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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