i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
