Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
