Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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