am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
