Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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