the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
