I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
