shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
