oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
