I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
