just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
