Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
