I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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