Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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