she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
