I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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