I feel like abortions should bother me more
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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